YOU MUST LAUGH TODAY

1. Glo well done o!.I have to sit at the edge of my bed,turn to the left a little and open my mouth before network will enter my phone.
2. How to sleep faster: Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom. # Sense
3. Salary 20k, phone 400k, weavon 30k. And you go church to ask for a miracle, when you're already performing magic.
4. Africa is not going forward or developing because we still have people who smell their armpits to decide if they will bath or not.
5. Baby if am dating you , I'm dating only you. The other girls you see or hear about are the ones dating me .....
6. When your mum is chasing you with belt and she falls down 4get it, just go and price fairly used body
7. Upcoming artiste and your first song gat 20.5mb
Its like u dont want to make it
8. My sister before u hand over ur breast to any man,first check how he drinks pure water .
# HeaIth ....Tips
9. *Apart from WOMEN*, which other PROBLEM do you know that doesn't have a solution?
10. A young man sitting in a taxi received a text from his gf asking "SEX 2nite??"
He quickly type "YES!" Just then, a thief snatched his phone from him through the window, he quickly jumped out of the car and ran after the thief not asking for his phone back but rather shouting
"press send, press send"
11. No matter how many outings you take her...how much money you give her..my brother, there is always that nigga who hit that thing for free..
Don't kill yourself over nothing...
12. It’s disrespectful to ask your woman if she needs money. She’s a woman, she’s always broke.
GIVE HER MONEY!!!
13. Its only in Africa where parents remove eye glasses to listen what you're saying*
14. You know you are ugly when a woman seated next to you on a bus with a baby crying and she said to the baby "quite, or else uncle will bite you "
Uncle monster!
15. Nite After Wedding
Husband: Honey, I have a confession... I've had sex with so many prostitutes in the past.
Wife: Ah, I knew it! I’ve seen your face somewhere before. You looked like one of my customers.
16. The best way to save money these days is by staying indoor and be sleeping cos once you open the gate, VOOM!!! 5k is gone
17. Sometimes I visit my Facebook block list to see how my prisoners are doing
18. You will never know how handsome you're, until you go steal in the market. When you're getting the beatings of your life, that is when market women will start saying words like: see handsome boy, see fine boy like this ...who did this thing to this fine boy ...
19. For God so loved Africans that He gave us dark skin, that whoever bleaches it shall not slay but have everlasting spots
20. Stop kissing her lips and neck all the time, that's not the only place on her body, surprise her by kissing her ARMPIT....
21. In early 90's Arsenal had a player called
Newton Dicks.
He got injured in one match and
Newspapers wrote 'Arsenal to play without
Dicks'
The coach was furious and told the Papers
to write it as 'Arsenal to play with Dicks
out'.
You can guess the number of ladies who
flocked the stadium to watch the really
awaited match.
22. My brother if you send her N3000 airtime and she sends you pls call me SMS,
Marry that woman, she knows how to budget.
23. Dear sisters, if he comes to ur inbox asking for ur number.give him 1 digit per month,Test his patience!
# wisdom
24. Those girls with long nails like vulture claws , biko how do you wash your iskaba iskerebete iskaroboto??
25. A guy went on a date in a brand new 2018 Range Rover Sport car with his new girlfriend.
GUY: I have been hiding something from you because I think you'll break up with me if you find out.
GIRL: What is that my love?
GUY: Am already married with kids...
GIRL: (Hits him on the lap and hissed) you scared me... I thought you wanted to say the Range Rover is not yours.
26. Every woman has two men. The one she's a fool for, And the one who's a fool for her. Let me come and be going.
27. Nothing makes a guy so popular than impregnating an ugly girl... the news spreads faster than fart
28. *If I eventually Become A Doctor *
Me: Good morning, how are you?
Patient: I'm fine, sir.
Me: Okay! Next person please
29. Days are gone when pictures are used to detect women..
Now if you depend on her pictures, my dear you are gone.
Even on the judgement day, God will still look closely to some girls pictures and ask angel michael, are you sure this is ify or chi?
30. Imagine a guy with gap teeth sucking ur breast,then ur nipple got stuck in between his teeth jesus is lord
31. Ugly guys rarely change their profile pictures because they know how hard they struggled to look handsome in their previous pictures.
my friend, argue with your phone
32. A guy bought a car last week, drove to work this morning, forgot he now owns a car & entered kekeback home.
POVERTY IS REAL.
33. I can't wait to have a car and ignore calls and b lyk "sowi, call me back. I'm driving
34. If he doesn't smoke, drink, love football or womanize Den 4get him,
Na witch
A real man must belongs to at least one group
35. Medically men lose 12% of their blood sugar during every round of sex, lose 10% of their protain level and also lose 10% of ur calorie level. Worse still is u also lose 15% of ur natural energy
what do ladies lose? Only 5% of their water level
if you hear FASTER fastEric just Runaway . Don't come and kill yourself
36. Real men don't buy insecticide to kill cockroaches and flies.They burn the whole house & build another mansion
37. One Enugu boy posted.. " true love look for no floors ".
Another Enugu boy replied.." that's what true love doors"
One IBADAN boy commented.. hmmm, Chairs to your bad gramma!!!, boat of your Englisi is rung, u too shuld go bark to scool
RIP English Language
38. On the judgement day, they should arrange like 10,000 angels that will separate fight between yahoo boys and white men ooooo
39. Dangote did not get rich by forwarding "Jesus I love you " to 50 friends... So If u send that to
me again, the thunder that will strike you will be like doctor's prescription; one in the morning,
three in the afternoon and four in the evening......... .. ...it's ur boi....